'Scientists at MGH have tapped into this immortality, isolating the distinct genes that allow germ cells to survive so much longer than their mortal counterparts. These genes help protect the cell from damage incurred on DNA by outside sources such as sunlight and reactive oxygen species—in other words, things that cause aging. But a certain animal has a unique mutation, one in which the genes for immortality appear in mortal cells. Because of this, some C. elegans roundworms* have an extended lifespan.

In fact, researchers found that the “simple mutations in genetic pathways conserved throughout evolution can double or triple the lifespan of C. elegans, and that similar mutations in the corresponding pathways also dramatically extend mammalian lifespan.” [EurekAlert]'

• Polyphenols: Resveratrol, an extract from red grapes, has been shown to extend lifespan in animals by 30-60% and appears to have no toxic effects whatsoever. A company called Sirtris Pharmaceuticals is developing a synthetic polyphenol based on resveratrol that is supposed to be many times more powerful. Tumeric (cury spice) was recently shown to be another polyphenol that prevents fat build up in cells and also prevents alzheimers. No word on whether further research will yield longevity claims for this is well, but given India's incredible poverty rate and 61 year lifespan, we may be looking at an Indian paradox just as we see a French paradox, long life due to red wine intake despite a high fat diet. Note that both Tumeric and Resveratrol are available at walmart[sorry!] as a supplement.
• A swath of new Ostereoperosis drugs seeks to limit and reverse the decline in bone density that averages 1% a year for people past their (memory) mid-20s. At the risk of dramatically oversimplifying the math, it would seem like more bone equals more bone cells equals more stem cells since stem cells are produced in the bone marrow. While most current osteoporosis drugs have very rare but very horrible side effects, a new class of drugs on the horizon appears to be much safer and more effective. We previously covered this drug/hormone here without realizing they were one and the same. We should also note that bone shrinkage accounts for many of the ailments that make you feel you're old, such as creaky joints, dislocations and fractures, and bone loss has even been identified as one of the primary culprits of wrinkles on the face (as your skull shrinks, really. We've previously documented some things that prevent bone loss, and our good friend Tumeric shows up on this list as well. Oh and if you happen to be in the vitamin aisle you should also grab a Vitamin D/Calcium combo and Potassiuim Citrate. Edit: We had seen a lot of good things about Potassium Citrate but looking over the linked study, a professor claims that you can actually look at a 1% gain in bone mass per year taking this, which would put it on par with some of the costly and dangerous Osteoporosis drugs.
• It should be noted that some drugs have been implicated in the creation of brain cells and/or in making your brain sharper, including Prozac and the nooptrils Hydergine and Piracetam. You're not going to want to be just 160 y/o eye candy, you'll want to keep your brain along for the ride as well. You can't pick up bitches if you can't find your keys
• Finally, if none of these things pan out, you still have an ace-in-the-hole silver bullet if you really want to be immortal. In what has to be one of the most incredible scientific breakthroughs in recent years, humans in white coats discovered hibernation a few years ago and are even making it available in pill form. Hyderogen sulfide has the unique ability to reduce a mammals metabolism to 1/10th of it's normal rate, leading to an eerie low-temperature low-heartrate state of sleep. That's how bears do it, and very soon you'll be able to do it too. Need to hibernate until they find a cure for your super aids? Step in this chamber.

Welcome to our brave new future. Everyone is immortal. Oh, and you'll need a sword.